Dismally, I recognise that my longing for you is reminiscent of the distance between us; frighteningly endless and unbearably uncertain.
Ruminating in the unforgiving summer heat by the beach, “an act of penance,” I tell myself, I allow the serenity and calmness congenial to such satisfaction-inducing landscapes to mitigate the by-product of this epiphany: negativity. But, much to my dismay, it fails. I fail.
I fail to conquer the everlasting distance between us. I fail to understand, yet once again, that eager anticipation only breeds eternal disappointment.
Most unfortunately, I fail to acknowledge that our determination to always be somewhere else, with someone else, brutally impairs our ability to appreciate the present.
And that’s what Waiting does. Continue reading “Waiting: A Euphemism”
I only recently discovered, following the unprecedented demise of my beloved grandmother, the stark difference between verbs and nouns i.e. the former are time-bound while the latter timeless. While verbs such as running, runs, ran etc. are in some tense or another, nouns such as table and chair are simply timeless…with the exception of one noun: life.
Unlike table and chair, life isn’t eternal. Unlike table and chair, life has a finite (more finite than we allow ourselves to imagine) period and an imminent end.
And, if our expensive tables and chairs, the “timeless” nouns, fail to live as long as the furniture store’s salesman projected, it amazes me how lightly we take “life”; constantly deepening our belief in the illusion of an everlasting life while infact it is but a sojourn.
Experiencing the death of a loved one for the first time in my life, I thought my perception on life, but first on the unadulterated reality of death will drastically change. I thought that from that day onwards, I’d live life driven by the consciousness of it being transient and ephemeral and be wary of the impending death.
Yet here I am 6 months later exactly the same as I was, or maybe even worse, before the incident. How fleeting the fear of our forthcoming death is even when it does strike us.
I guess we should start taking our tables and chairs, and their limited life span, more seriously. Perhaps then we might develop a conscious for life and death.
After a long and exhausting day, this is the last place I want to return to. This desolate bleakness, damp with negativity and doused in drivel, reeks of scepticism from miles away.
Almost impulsively, I begin drawing the curtain, opening the window and switching the bright lights on. Burning an incense and turning on the air conditioning, I’m airing out, after what seems to be an unacceptable amount of time, the breeding ground of suffocation which I inhabit. Continue reading “Detox (The Mind)”
Stranded and chagrined, I find myself battling between a fragmented past and a tainted future.
Stranded, and bewildered beyond belief, I ache as I forcefully fumble in the haphazard maze of memory and consciousness.
Sprinting back and forth in endless relays, Continue reading “Stranded”
Treading cautiously on the mountain, I was taken aback by the profound irregularity and spontaneity of a myriad textures; their erratic patterns inconsistently intertwining with each other, birthday a masterpiece of breathtaking juxtaposition.
Continue reading “Textures & Words “
Eight years ago today, something remarkable, and remarkably unbelievable, happened. What started as a normal day was turned completely upside down by your phone call.
I was leaving for my flight soon, fretting over the thought of forgetting to pack an essential for back home and in the midst of all the frantic scurrying, who would have known that, when the landline abruptly went abuzz, you hadn’t called for a simple goodbye.
Continue reading “A Goodbye That Wasn’t “
Amidst heightened vulnerability, yet once again I become enslaved to my own emotions.
Perversely erratic, the tantalising rollercoaster of a medley of nebulous (and seldom reasonable) thoughts and emotions captivate me; thrusting me into an unforgiving labyrinth of unadulterated fear. This rollercoaster, days away from our 8th anniversary, takes me to new heights of helplessness as I try hard to not love you and hate you at the same time.
Continue reading “Between Love & Hate “